Tonight is a definite blog night. I have too many emotions, thoughts and memories going through my head right now and I need to get them out. Whew, have you ever had a year that you just can't wait to end? All I can say for 2010 is "I SURVIVED!!!" I hope one day to look back on this year and understand what it was all about. I've been thinking a lot about this past year and frankly I've been really grouchy this week. I don't know if it is all the memories or just me coming off of my Christmas high. Christmas was wonderful!!! Perhaps it could be my hubby down from knee surgery, the kids home all day fighting and messing up the house, my sleepless teething baby or the fact that I just gave away all of my baby stuff that I thought I was ready to part with...yes I cried. I know with every fiber in my body that I am done having children but it was still a hard step. I am entering a new stage of life and I just hope I can pull it all together and enjoy it! Today is my 12th Wedding Anniversary. Even with the sore knee, my husband took me out to dinner tonight and delivered my traditional roses. I am a lucky girl. At dinner he had to remind me that in 12 more years we could possibly be grandparents! Oh, and then we came home and watched the Bucket List...how fitting!?!? We are such romantics.
Anyhow, I have been looking forward to this New Year, 2011, for quite some time and here it is. What now??? I think I have a fear that maybe things won't turn for the best. What if last years pains and frustrations are just the beginning of the rest of my life? I feel like RA has made me so pessimistic. I catch myself not allowing any anticipation of events. Most likely it is to protect me from disappointment. I really have to work on that. I have a lot to work on but am hesitant to write any resolutions. Last year some of my resolutions got thrown out the window because physically I was not capable of completing them. Feelings of failure always follow an incomplete resolution. I don't want that this year. I want to be guilt free.
With all of these thoughts running through my head I turned to my blog roll tonight. I am so thankful for all of your posts. They helped me make sense of some of this hesitancy and frustration I am feeling as I wrap up this year. Thank you! I wish all of you a very happy and healthy New Year. I'll post again when I am not so grouchy and maybe get some sleep.