Monday, July 26, 2010

Invictus...RA and all!!!

With this latest flare up since my baby has been born, I have felt like I have no control and I am simply at the mercy of this disease. I was watching a movie that helped me change my perspective and get some fight back in me. Nelson Mandela, played by Morgan Freeman, refers to the following poem. I immediately looked it up following the movie. It is by William Ernest Henley who at age 12 fell victim to tuberculosis of the bone. His foot was amputated at age 25 and he wrote this from his hospital bed.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The last two lines have become my daily motto: "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." In my next posts I plan to address my deepest fears of this disease: mortality rates, passing RA on to my children, liver failure, cardiovascular disease, disability, etc. I want to get the facts straight and figure out what I CAN do about them instead of letting fear run my life. I have RA and I will have RA for the rest of my life. I am only 31 years old! I have a lot of life left to live and I will not let RA win. "Invictus" is latin for "unconquered" and that is exactly what I plan on being!

1 comment:

  1. Great attitude! I am also a mom, though my kids are older. It's only with a determination to live triumphantly that I am able to go on. Good job-I hope you keep posting.