We got a puppy! My husband caved and we became owners of a morkie puppy (Maltese and Yorkie mix) Her name is Bella. House training a puppy is hard but house training a puppy with giarrdia is IMPOSSIBLE! She is really starting to grow on me now but we had a rocky start. On top of that we had a really wet spring with lots of storms and changes in pressure going on. May was a rough month. I didn't feel that great. Bummer because I went into spring with such high hopes. My rheumatologist and I decided to add Sulfasalizine to my regimen in April. I was hoping that would be my magical medication since I did so well on it before. I haven't seen much improvement. My summer eating habits haven't helped either I'm sure. It is so hard to eat well with all of the kids home. I'm toying with the idea of going to see a nutritionist. Any thoughts? Her name is Ursula...should I be nervous?Summer is in full swing and passing much too quickly. The kids have me going, going, going and I hardly have time to assess my condition. My hands, wrists and shoulders alternate in flares. Swimming has been wonderful and I have found some new aerobic and yoga classes that I LOVE. I do so much better when I stay active. Overall I feel that I am pulling off a great summer this year! As I watched fireworks this year on the 4th I had a flash back to last years fireworks...I could hardly pick myself off the ground afterward because I hurt so badly everywhere. I was filled with gratitude for my improvements and was motivated to keep fighting!
Life is good, not perfect by any means but good and I'll take that. I think the thing I struggle with most lately is reconnecting with myself. I feel like I have lost touch with who I am and what I enjoy doing. I think children have a lot to do with that. It has been a long time since I could make a decision based on what I would like to eat, watch, listen to, do, etc. Don't get me wrong, I would never change the fact that I am a mother. It's what I've always wanted to be. My children are my everything! They are making me into a better person. But what happens when they are grown and leave? Who am I then?
I am also realizing that I am a major people pleaser. I have always lived my life to please others, parents, teachers, friends, neighbors. It is hard for me to say "no" when that is what I really want to say. I make every decision with everybody else in mind and how this decision will effect them vs me. I can't even make a playlist on my ipod without thinking "what if so and so hears this? Would they approve?" When my husband and I go out to dinner I always say "Oh anything sounds good, I don't care, you choose." when in the back of my mind I always have somewhere I want to go. I know these are stupid little examples but they are bugging me lately. I have decided to make a list about things I truly like and enjoy. It has been harder than I thought. Wish me luck in my adventures of 'Finding Kelli'. Until then we'll take some advice from Finding Nemo and "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" Things always work themselves out, right?
